


Here Comes Another One - New Format!

by 221b_ee, PleaseDonateBlood



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fanfiction of Fanfiction, Fanwork of Fanwork, First Meetings, HIV positive, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Texting, Trans Remus Lupin, another texting the wrong number fic yes, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-01-06 04:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21220391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221b_ee/pseuds/221b_ee, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleaseDonateBlood/pseuds/PleaseDonateBlood
Summary: Do you ask every stranger you accidentally spontaneously befriend this many personal questions?FRIEND it may have been spontaneous (destiny) but there was nothing accidental about this loveAlso I guess that means this would be a bad time to ask for your name?Your guess would be correctWhat’s your name?Wow.---Sirius texts the wrong number. And so it begins. We did need another Wolfstar texting fic. We definitely did.---This story was written by the wonderful and talented @PleaseDonateBlood forever ago, but I recently learned how to display text-fics on AO3     as iOS texts in-browser. Of course I immediately thought of HCAO, one of my all time favorite fics, which happens to be almost totally written in iMessage texts!! In essence, now instead of this being a .txt-based story, I've coded it into a text-based story lmao.





	1. flagpoles at 4a

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Here Comes Another One](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16634951) by [PleaseDonateBlood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleaseDonateBlood/pseuds/PleaseDonateBlood). 
  * Inspired by [Here Comes Another One](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16634951) by [PleaseDonateBlood](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleaseDonateBlood/pseuds/PleaseDonateBlood). 

> The times are in the time zone of whoever sends the first message and the chapter titles are almost entirely random.

Unknown Number  
  
4:51 AM  
PRONGS I GOT IT! We get up at 5am climb the flagpole ourselves at 6 with 3 bags of the mouses this time but we use water to mix the glitter into the gel first! FLAWLESS PLAN  
4:58 AM  
So I see many flaws to this plan but you probably don’t want to hear them as I’m almost certainly not the intended recipient of that message   
  
Oops. Huh. I was sure I’d finally memorized his number…  
But now you have to tell me what the flaws are I’m pretty sure nothing can go wrong this time  
… This time?  
  
Yeahhh last time there was an… incident. Long story short I’m using this phone because my last one’s battery got gel flooded and then accidentally microwaved inside a mouse…  
A rubber mouse! No mouses were harmed in the making of this plot!  
5:05 AM  
Mice.  
  
What? Out of all the things to respond to you choose  
Well the plural of mouse is mice. And I don’t know where even I’d begin, how the hell does that happen accidentally?   
Well.. I say accidentally.. but I guess you could say I was curious  
ANYWAY you mentioned flaws??  
Unbelievable.  
It’s a gift yes. Flaws?  
5:12 AM  
Are we really doing this?   
FLAWS??  
Sigh okay first flaw: waking up at 5a I’m pretty sure is an automatic KO   
Nah Prongs and I are the most morning morning people to ever morning and we have enough blackmail to drag Wormy up with us, we’d probably have been up at 5am anyway  
… That sounds like actual hell   
See above: n a h. Mornings are great, they’re quiet and you get tons done without anyone bothering you  
… Riiight. Agree to disagree then. Second flaw: multiple people climbing a flagpole.   
5:20 AM  
What are your pronouns?  
5:28 AM  
... What?  
What? I got Prongs actual number (not even close by the way so maybe I was just guessing) and I’m sharing my brilliant and apparently flawless plan with him  
And obviously if a random lazy logical stranger can’t find a flaw it’ll go off without a hitch so  
And I wouldn’t wanna misgender you or anything so  
Pronouns?  
5:35 AM  
... Give me a sec.  
:D  
5:43 AM  
Okay. So. First of all, there are tons of flaws even without me knowing the end objective (and no, I don’t want to know) second, where do you get off calling me lazy, random weirdo person, and third, you’re worried about misgendering a complete stranger who’d never know?  
5:45 AM  
1\. you’ve pointed out none so far (a retaliation prank of magnificent proportion) 2. not-morning people are generally lazy, seems a safe assumption as does yours and 3. I wouldn’t even want to accidentally misgender my archnemesis much less new friend  
5:52 AM  
I don’t know whether to ask why you have an archnemesis or when we became friends  
5:57 AM  
Because he’s the worst and mm at least 6 messages ago  
Right. Naturally.   
Mine are he/him for when you want to gush to YOUR friends about how brilliant I am  
6:09 AM  
I really don’t see that happening. But… also he/him   
Anyway. Flagpole.   
How do multiple people climb a flagpole at 6a?   
How does the time factor into the climbing? And I thought it was a typo but are you just intentionally leaving off the am?  
The flagpole would be cold? It would be dark? Idk I just don’t see how anything can be done at 6a. And pm and am both have the m so it’s superfluous.   
6:15 AM  
Oh my God I’m friends with someone who uses idk and superfluous in the same text  
The sun rises before 5aM nowadays, wake up for it sometime. And you won’t type the M but you objected to being called lazy?  
Also rest assured: we are fully capable of climbing the flagpole any hour of the day with a 100% success rate  
6:19 AM  
Oh I wouldn’t object I just wondered if you were psychic no it was spot on. And the sun doesn’t rise till past 6A here so. I don’t think I want to know how often or why you can state that success rate.   
Yeah you probably don’t tbh but riiight I forgot I don’t know where you are ?  
6:23 AM  
And you’re not likely to find out. Third flaw, climbing a flagpole at 6a carrying 3 bags of mice?   
… Alright fair enough I didn’t think that part fully through yet… But you’ve gotta drop the 6aM thing time isn’t a factor here  
6:27 AM  
Yeah maybe that part of the plan needs a bit of work, you could always backpack? If there’s 2 of you one wearing 2, one front one back?   
Clever, I like the way you think friend. Perfect, no flaws then?  
6:34 AM  
Still one left actually: you can’t mix glitter into gel with water. You’d have better luck heating up the gel then mixing in the glitter while it’s hot. If you slick your hands with vegetable oil it’ll also prevent glitter waste having it stick to your hands.   
6:39 AM  
Is it too early in this friendship to say I love you?  
Absolutely 100% do not.   
I LOVE YOU!!  
6:43 AM  
Oh my God  
PRONGS SAYS HE LOVES YOU TOO  
6:46 AM  
Right. Okay.   
YOU HAVE JOINED A REVOLUTION FRIEND, YOU HAVE BECOME A PART OF SOMETHING INCREDIBLE  
I regret so, so much   
What’s your name?  
Hell no, I’m barely comforting myself with the option of changing my phone number if this somehow incriminates me, there’d be no escaping my name  
6:53 AM  
Oh come on, you live at least 9 hours away by plane, I doubt local police could find you with a name and a number  
Furthermore, I resent the implication that I’d ever give you up, friend  
I’d take your name with me to the grave  
6:59 AM  
?? How would you know how far away I am? And that’s really all it takes to win your undying loyalty?   
Oh I looked up where the sun rises past 6aM  
Sorry was that creepy? I’ve been told I can be a bit.. Much.  
AND on that note:  
Yes. I pledge my undying loyalty to you. So do Prongs and Wormtail.  
And we’d die before we betrayed our friends.  
7:06 AM  
… Ookay. Intense. I’m questioning my entire evening right now. But hey, I could use 3 undyingly loyal friends I guess, bring the total up to 3   
Sorry that sounded pathetic. Anyway.  
What are we doing?   
Don’t answer that   
kay I’m going to sleep now. Good luck with the 6A flagpole climbing and glitter mixing and retaliation. Bye stranger, nice talking to you   
There is no pathetic friend, there is only DESTINED FRIENDSHIP. You have contributed to our brilliance and you are one of us now. What we are doing is friendship.  
Right I’d forgotten the whole distance time dif thing right sleep well I’ll update you on everything in the morning!  
And I mean everything! Step by step!! Look forward to it!!!  
7:13 AM  
… Thanks I think. Okay. I guess this is a thing? Bye… friend   
<3 :D  
B y e.  
<3  
9:07 AM  
HI FRIEND! WORMTAIL THANKS YOU FOR SAVING AT LEAST 10% OF OUR GLITTER STOCK THIS IS MAGICAL AND WARM  
what the hell its 5a i hate you   
FRIEND YOU’RE AWAKE!  
i am now get off capslock its too late for tht   
early  
what the hell why  
We’re getting the glitter all prepped and we had to thank you for the brilliant glitter expertise, where’d you know how to do that from? Pranks of your own??  
glitter hair gel to spike my undercut   
9:15 AM  
OH MY GOD ARE YOU FOR REAL  
shut up nd let me sleep   
WAIT WAIT I CAN’T STOP IMAGINING IT NOW ARE YOU HOT  
shut uppp im asleep   
FRIEND THIS IS VITAL  
time zone gmt-5 youre not allowde to text til noon go away   
<3 You trust me with your timezone, friendship progress!  
ill block you  
Okay okay sleep well friend! Tty@12PM!  
regretting it already   
;)  
5:00 PM  
A happy 12PM to you, friend!  
... Did you set a reminder or something?  
I considered waiting a minute or 2 to be fashionably late but punctuality is more punk rock  
You are without a doubt the least punk rock person I know   
You wound me deeply but you are in fact inaccurate, I am factually the most punk rock person I know here Prongs will tell you  
Wait  
HI FRIEND STRANGER Pads is much less punk rock than he hopes PS please dont be a 40 year old major creep we love you for the glitter tips thank you!  
5:12 PM  
Thank you Prongs? I’m not? But it’s only just occurred to me you could be?   
I can affirm to you we are at most minor creeps and are also minors ;)  
Because a 40 yo major creep would say so  
5:19 PM  
Prongs?  
5:23 PM  
Sorry if I offended you…  
5:25 PM  
Unless you’ve gone silent because I was right in which case please stop texting me   
Sorry I’m back Prongs was hogging you so we had a valiant fight to the death but the phone survived this time  
Oh and we’ve now realized you meant year old with “yo” (repeat: lazy) but we read it as yo and started a beatbox and had to wait ages for Wormtail to get with the program and lay down some backing vocals  
5:30 PM  
… You’re all ridiculous people. (repeat: very much so)   
But you love us for it! What about you, minor too?  
No, I can safely say I’m not even on the creep spectrum   
Well by virtue of it being a spectrum doesn’t that mean everyone falls somewhere on it? That’s why with gender and sexuality are spectrums all the cishets can’t ogle down from their pedestals and  
Though if it were a creep spectrum I’d think it would be more than just major to minor, and then it would  
Wait no no focus not what I meant  
I meant minor like age wise like under 18?  
5:39 PM  
… What ARE you. Just   
And oh. Yes. Do you ask every stranger you accidentally spontaneously befriend this many personal questions?   
FRIEND it may have been spontaneous (destiny) but there was nothing accidental about this love  
Also that means this would be a bad time to ask for your name I guess?  
Your guess would be correct   
What’s your name?  
Wow.   
We need something to call you!  
For some reason I’m assuming Prongs Pads and Wormtail aren’t your real names and yet somehow I’m managing   
Oh sorry yeah they’re nicknames. I proudly present, purveyors of aid to mischief makers, James, Peter, and (your ultimate fave and love) SIRIUS!  
That’s me I’m your fave and love  
Was this supposed to build my confidence in you? I still don’t know you, why would I give you my name?   
I see that, but I raise you a more compelling question: why not?  
Eloquent. Solid argument. Thorough reasoning.   
5:51 PM  
You’ve been talking to me for 207 minutes and I’m sure you’ve given your name to random strangers you knew for way less and who didn’t pledge eternal loyalty to you  
6:00 PM  
Key word: strangers I KNEW. Had SEEN in real life. Had PROOF weren’t serial killers.   
Also… did you go back and count the time or was that a coincidental guess?   
Did YOU go back and count the time to confirm it?  
… Touche   
Soooo ? :D  
No.   
Frienndddd!  
Where did you get the nicknames?   
Brilliant segue, friend, smooth like chunky peanut butter. It’s a fascinating story actually, but one for another day. Prongs is insisting we get back to plot prep, you’ve put us behind schedule  
My deepest apologies. Good luck I think   
Lovely afternoon to you, friend, don’t spend too long mooning over me, I shall return to you soon  
I’ll try my best   
Farewell, Moony  
Really?   
I mean you could always give me a name ;D  
Moony it is   
:(  
Go wreak havoc Sirius   
Always Moony :)  



	2. plaster cracked, redwood, dragons

Moony  
  
March 9 7:17 AM  
MOONY I HAVE RETURNED TO YOU  
  
7:21 AM  
return to hell its 3a   
Really there for the whole cutting off the m aren't you?  
  
I mean I'd think as your own name starts with an M that you'd appreciate how neglected the m can feel  
  
All left out just because Moony didn't want to type one tiny letter  
  
I've also realized that you were talking to me at 3aM yesterday so clearly the lateness of the hour is not thaaat important to you  
  
Furthermore good sir, we are missing the core topic matter  
  
Which of course is  
  
Glitter. Gel. Spiked. Undercut. ?? !!  
  
ill find you nd murder you   
See that's avoidance there Moony  
  
im all abt avoidnce ask anyone   
Huh I’ll leave that for an awake Moony conversation  
  
So not a morning person, not a night person  
  
I'm at your beck and call Moonshine, just say when  
  
itd be slow and painfl go away   
I believe that's what the Silent option on your phone is for, dear Moony  
  
cant too many imprtant alarms   
Alarms don't silence when you mute your phone ?  
  
you dont know wht phone i have   
shh no dont reply leave   
no stop typing go away   
Moony we are iMessaging  
  
Which to me indicates we both have iPhones  
  
And therefore neither of us have alarms that mute when we silence our phones  
  
YOU'RE WELCOME  
  
whatever the opposite of thanks is   
Moonyyyy I'm bored and lonely  
  
go tnt your phone for curiosity   
I take it back I think you're even more fun asleep  
  
7:40 AM  
oh silent rlly doesn mute alarms   
Of course it doesn't I wouldn't give you less than 100% accurate info  
  
Though while we’re on the topic of accurate  
  
I would like to once again seek confirmation of the accuracy of your earlier claim  
  
If you recall it was about a glitter gel spiked undercut just casual question:  
  
?!?!?!?!??!?   
  
7:44 AM  
Not sure if you're dodging the question or just went back to sleep  
  
7:47 AM  
Oh you muted probably...  
  
7:55 AM  
In hindsight I could've kept that muting fact to myself smh  
  
7:59 AM  
Fiiine I'll go languish miserably in the boredom of my classes wish me luck Moons  
  
4:17 PM  
Guess how many plaster cracks in this ceiling?  
  
Is this the level of bored you’ll hit before you text me?   
That is a terrible guess  
  
In this exact current moment right now I’m not bored enough for this   
That’s an even worse guess  
  
Hint: it’ll be numerical  
  
4:23 PM  
64  
It took you 4 whole minutes to come up with the wrong answer  
  
No that’s the answer for me, I was counting   
You also staring at the ceiling mindlessly then?  
  
Also where are you that there’s that many, I mean our school’s not posh but  
  
Oh right lazy still in bed, your room then?  
  
My room yes and tbh most of the ceiling is just cracks but I can see them in shapes and patterns so it’s entertaining at least  
4:29 PM  
… Okay let me get this  
  
You’ve been lying in bed finding shapes in the billion cracks in your ceiling  
  
And you’re not quite bored ENOUGH to text me??  
  
I'm sulking   
And I mean I am in fact texting you right now   
Wanna discuss said sulking cause?  
  
And I texted you first though that doesn’t count Moonyyy what are friends for if not to text before your boredom peaks to counting ceiling cracks??  
  
Nope and I wouldn’t know I don’t have any   
Wait   
No don’t reply to that stop typing   
Amended response: Hypocrite, you clearly waited till you were that bored to text me   
Moony  
  
Fine but  
  
Three. Undyingly. Loyal. Friends!  
  
Don't it's  
Listen  
You’re not… what do I even say to this   
There’s a long list of reasons I don’t have friends   
And you can’t be a real one you’re hardly even a real person to me   
And it’s not   
I can’t do this I can’t   
Story based on favourite ceiling shape cluster cracks, go:  
  
What?   
Cracks. Shapes. Story.   
  
I don't  
4:41 PM  
There’s a series of 7 of them in a grid that look like a map and I stare at the way they intersect and where they cross and map places I’ve been in order and I wish I could climb up there and draw it in   
You can’t even imagine how much I encourage you to do that you have to do it  
  
If I could I would’ve days ago   
Why not? And just days, I’d have done it weeks ago, months! Immediately!  
  
You’ve been typing forevverrr stop erasing it just send  
  
4:50 PM  
Bedridden and new room of 5 days so the awake thing is mainly jetlag  
4:54 PM  
Now who’s typing forever   
4:56 PM  
Sorry I’m just  
  
Sorry you okay? Bedridden?  
  
But also new place! Exciting?  
  
Yes yes no  
I’d say elaborate for all 3 but I’ll take what I can get here tbh  
  
5:01 PM  
Bet you think I’m typing answers but if you’ll take what you can get then what you get is that there is a cluster above my head that look like dragons circling a willow tree with a nearby rabbit playing a flute   
Hint: if you didn’t get an answer you probably don’t get an answer   
I'm just  
  
Okay so  
  
Your ceiling sounds epic share more  
  
5:06 PM  
Appreciated   
Like… really   
People never drop things and it’s   
Anyway   
There’s a bunch by the door that weave into what I imagine the roots of a Redwood look like   
So is it the cracks that are epic or your imagination?  
  
Well it may help that I’m not wearing my glasses so the less deep cracks are just kind of an enormous blur   
But I’ll go with both  
5:11 PM  
I don’t see what you could be typing and erasing for this long   
asjflasfj Moonyyyyy  
  
You’re actually killing me  
  
That is the end goal but how?   
What colour is your undercut??  
  
?? No thanks   
Glasses Moony glasses  
  
Eye colour? Height?  
  
Not happening   
I know you’re typing yours and see above: no thanks   
Deep shimmering grey and 155cm  
  
hrkw   
I dropped my phone laughing   
155cm?? Are you 12??  
Wow that killed the humor are you actually 12 did I encourage a 12 year old to climb a flagpole and mix heated glitter gel am I flirting with a child   
OH MY GOD  
  
WAIT WAIT NO   
FLIRTING  
  
’M GOING TO SLEEP I TAKE EVERYTHING BACK BYE   
FLIRTING  
  
MOONY I KNEW OUR LOVE COULDN’T BE DENIED BUT THIS  
  
I take literally every single thing I’ve ever said back   
I’m so afraid for what your non-flirting is then  
  
Have you actually ever flirted with anyone/anything before??  
  
WAIT ARE YOU BLUSHING NOW  
  
I’m blocking you bye   
ALKFOIOAHA MOONYYYYY  
  
Wait wait please I’ll stop I’ll stop come back  
  
And also excuse you this is a perfectly normal height for a 17 yo-yo  
  
No it isn’t ? Can you even reach any shelf ever ?   
Ngl the same age thing is a relief   
Yes yes rest assured your flirting is both highly legal and highly welcome  
  
Rest assured I also know you’re grinning  
  
Or blushing B)  
  
1\. Kindly never use that emoticon ever and 2. Shut up   
If you’re typing shut up I’ll take it as confirmation that you are doing both  
  
YES!!!!  
  
You can’t see over the steering wheel   
I LOVE YOU TOO MOONY  
  
You can’t ride rollercoasters   
NO WORRIES I AM ALSO SMILING SAPPILY AT MY PHONE WHEN YOU TEXT ME  
  
Your feet don’t touch the ground when you sit on couches   
You can’t reach the hand straps on public transport   
All pants are long on you   
Really smug on this whole height thing aren’t you?  
  
I’m resigning myself with a dramatic heavy sigh and you can’t hear it but know it’s happening as I ask:  
  
Well at 191cm   
How tall are you?  
  
asfjlj you’re lying  
  
ARE YOU LYING  
  
You’re not lying you’re oh my God what mutant are you  
  
One who’d use you as an armrest apparently   
MOONY I’M FREE  
  
Also 100% would not object to that ever BD  
  
Good to know. And that is the same banned emoticon   
Free of ?  
Oh detention 4-5:30 it was brutal XBD  
  
Well it was going to be ;)  
  
Detention. Naturally. Dare I even ask why?   
Never mind I definitely don’t want to know   
What I will resign myself to asking though is:   
Yes I’ll marry you  
  
… Rest assured you’re killing me too   
;) <3  
  
Wait what was the question  
  
I guess now you’ll never know   
!! No no Moony I need to know you can’t do this to me!  
  
How unfortunate, I have an urgent appt with sleep I have to get to, farewell   
M o o n s you can't sleep at noon no one can  
  
Well I was kept up obnoxiously late and woken obnoxiously early so   
But who will keep me company when I take on my chemistry homework??  
  
I already helped you through detention, my work here is done   
Are you actualllyy going to sleep though?  
  
Of course not I can’t sleep at noon no one can   
Are you smirking  
  
Something else you'll never know  
Wow 5000 km away and I can feel your smirk  
  
So UK then?   
?! WHaT??  
  
Well it seemed oddly specific, I went 5000km out from my time zone and just from the English I’m gonna guess UK  
5:52 PM  
James threw a cracker in my mouth because I was goldfishing Moony you’re amazing  
  
Was anything in that sentence supposed to make sense to me?   
Oh it was a goldfish cracker and I was goldfishing like mouth gaping in speechlessness at the Moony  
  
Well explain no further it all makes sense now   
I’m going to go read now, go do your homework   
Bossy fine go do your nerd thing  
  
Pretty sure chemistry tops reading in nerdiness but whatever helps you sleep at night   
Alcohol  
  
Whoa back to the being a minor thing   
Yeahh I needed it for a while but it’s better now  
  
Well I’m glad to hear that   
And like  
Wait stop typing can I do your thing?  
  
Amended: Thanks Moons be on standby I’ll text you if I get bored no worries  
  
Really though no worries I’m good really  
  
I’ll wait in breathless anticipation   
Well how am I supposed to focus on homework when I’m picturing you breathless  
  
That was the worst line, see yourself out   
You’re flustered so it worked but I agree and will see myself to the door  
  
Shush. Shoo.   
<3 :D  
  
7:13 PM  
It's 2pM there so I doubt you're asleep but here I go starting the chem  
  
Aka save me Moonknight  
  
Hmm doesn’t really fit  
  
7:17 PM  
Okay maybe you are still asleep then  
  
7:21 PM  
Moony this is awful it’s boring I know this already why do I have to do practice problems  
  
7:36 PM  
Prongs already did his, we don’t speak to him anymore  
  
7:49 PM  
Wormtail was completely lost and Prongs pretended to help him by drawing him notecards but they all just had creative insults on them  
  
7:55 PM  
Well I said creative but I’m disappointed really these are kinda pathetic  
  
7:59 PM  
Oh huh they are notecards just clever chem puns ones never mind he’s back in  
  
8:13 PM  
Save me Moons he’s teaching Wormy a song about balancing equations  
  
8:17 PM  
It’s so catchy I’ll be singing it forever  
  
8:44 PM  
Why did I teach you to mute come back to meeee this is not the time to be asleep  
  
9:03 PM  
Don’t block me when you wake up you’ll miss me too much <3  
  
9:15 PM  
Good afternoon whenever you wake up Moony hope you had a lovely sleep  
  
9:28 PM  
Fine I’ll do my chem homework now  
  
9:48 PM  
I just beat Frank at chess Moony it was brilliant!!  
  
10:07 PM  
Apparently Frank “let me win” he’s a sore loser we don’t talk to him either  
  
10:17 PM  
Starting chem homework for real this time okay  
  
10:19 PM  
I’ve been doing this foreverrrrr I’m so boreddddddd  
  
10:34 PM  
Okay you’re actually going to block me okay I’ll shush good day/night I’m going to sleep now too farewell dream lovely dreams of me <3  
  
11:21 PM  
Oh my God why I’m blocking you   
Did you even do your homework  
Prongs is incredible  
Frank let you win  
I hope the notification you have on is drilling holes in your skull   
sleeping wake @5 Prongs and I exploring forest bfore classe but <3 <3 I did hw thx ily2  
  
March 10 12:56 AM  
You’re both insane have fun good night   
:D <3  
  
1:00 AM  
I'm still blocking you  
  



	3. can't even snap

Sirius  
  
March 10 3:17 AM  
sIRius worst thng youve ever done on bus?  
  
3:21 AM  
Moons it’s past 3aM there wth?  
im  
  
please  
  
Prongs and I were dressed as a bear (not important why) and we accidentally stole a lollipop from an old man who was too scared to say anything  
Everything okay?  
3:26 AM  
nightmare whatver nothing but no pretty sure its important why?? dressed as a bear together like both of you dressed as 1 bear? nd how do you accidentlly steal a lolipop?   
  
You don’t have to say, but please know that you can  
i do know thank you   
  
Long story but our archnemesis was dressed as a tree for a school thing so we had to and yes Prongs was the gangly unbalanced bottom half and I was the graceful sturdy dashing top half (I included the word half to avoid the innuendos get your mind out of the gutter Moony gosh)  
Oh and the halves were held together with some loose duct tape so it just somehow snagged his lollipop and we didn’t notice  
… youre unbelievable   
  
like actualy howre you real Sirius?   
  
You’re smiling though :D  
nope  
  
You LOVE me  
im going back to sleep   
  
<3 <3  
thx though Sirius really   
  
Genuinely anytime ever  
Maybe during chemistry next time  
Sleep well Moons :)  


Moony!!  
  
March 10 4:16 PM  
Moony do you dare me to jump in the lake?  
  
If wherever-you-are is bitterly cold as here (and it probably is in March anyway) then no I strongly advise against it   
So what you’re saying is it would be brave and epic?  
  
Why did I know that would be your response   
For the record I am saying nothing of the sort   
Fiiine if you insist on egging me into this dare I’ll do it but just for you  
  
I’m sighing heavily at you   
Wish me luck Moons!  
  
I hope you only partially drown   
Aww you DO care <3  
  
4:59 PM  
I was expecting a snarky response SO YOU DO CARE <3 !  
  
Also how could you dare me to do that why it was awful freezing and I cut my leg on a rock so now there’s blood on my favourite pants :(  
  
It was really really cold I’m wrapped in blankets by the fire but Prongs is taking forever bringing me smores I’m disowning him  
  
But then who will bring you smores wouldn’t he just disown you and eat them all?   
And you’re right how dare I egg you on I am a terrible influence  
5:05 PM  
Got your smores then?   
No I was trying to phrase this right um  
  
I know I said it first but regretfully I must be the only one allowed to tell disownment jokes here as I am presumably the only one who has been disowned  
  
Sorry it’s just still  
  
idk  
  
Your presumption is very correct thanks for telling me I will remember that I’m sorry   
I’m not, it was for the best and led to my life with the amazingly generous and kind Prongs  
  
Guessing he just brought you the smores then   
How dare you sir my love for him is pure  
  
No really though he is the ultimate brother like he is the actual best  
  
That’s great Sirius I’m really glad you have him   
Thanks me too I’m happier with James than I ever could’ve been with them  
  
That’s fantastic Sirius I really am happy for you :)   
He also makes really great smores so  
  
James is a loser  
  
His hair is stupid ajsd  
  
James is a wonderful kind and valiant soul with luscious hair   
MOONY YOU NEVER COMPLIMENTED MY HAIR IT’S WAY MORE LUSCIOUS  
  
MOONY WHAT HAVE YOU DONE HE WAS READING OVER MY SHOULDER HE’S CACKLING I WILL NEVER HEAR THE END OF THIS  
  
I have no dignity, anyone who makes good smores is someone I want batting for me   
For your information I am the only one of us who bats for your team and furthermore my hair is a glossy flowing luxurious soft cloud and James has a tangled scruffy mess on his head and I make way more magical smores  
  
5:20 PM  
Um I'm  
Or like I would if I made smores  
  
One day I’ll make smores and they’ll be incredible just wait  
  
In fact now I think about it Prongs chocolate to marshmallow ratio needs work  
  
Right. Look at this James blasphemy I’m much more deserving of your masterpiece smores  
5:27 PM  
I’m guessing another battle to the death for the phone has commenced   
Hope the phone survives this one too  
5:29 PM  
I AM VICTORIOUS you were rooting for me right Moonbeam?  
  
My loyalty is ultimately to the smores so whoever gets me those has my tentative fleeting loyalty   
I’ll take that! I can put some in the express mail to you have them there by tomorrow  
  
Then I guess for the moment my temporary loyalty is with you   
<3!  
  
Really though I’d totally send you some if you gave me an address  
  
Sirius I won’t give you my name and you think I’d give you an address?   
Well there’s very little you wouldn’t do for smores apparently  
  
You’ve got me there but sadly my meager desire to not be killed (by you specifically) is slightly stronger than the pull of chocolate   
Not by much, mind you, but still   
Come onnn you don’t even have to give me your name I’ll address it to The Dazzling Moonshine  
  
Is this you trying to talk me into or out of this?   
It doesn’t even have to be YOUR address just AN address you can get to  
  
Sure I’ll pick it up at the nearest McDonalds   
Moonyyyyy  
  
How goes the warming up?   
Fiiine but know that when you do give me an address I will send you something almost as unbelievably incredible as me  
  
And Prongs is almost set, toes still a bit blue and I still can’t feel my ears much but getting there  
  
High standards to meet   
But why’s Prongs cold as well, did you get him wet climbing out?   
5:44 PM  
DID YOU JUST CALL ME INCREDIBLE  
  
Why is Prongs cold?   
MOONY I THINK YOU’RE INCREDIBLE TOO <3  
  
I’m going to sleep   
That’s not nearly as smooth an escape as you seem to think it is Moongleam  
  
Those nicknames aren’t nearly as good as you seem to think they are Pads  
James is freezing because the lake is like ice (I’m still grinning by the way you think I’m incredible and you’re blushing) and hey I’m good with an actual name whenever you wanna provide one  
  
5:48 PM  
I’m are why did James jump into the lake??   
;D  
  
Moony, James wouldn’t let me jump into the lake alone  
  
But he’s totally fine lying around while I mourn my dead pants. So new, so valiant, it was not their time  
  
… Please know that your friendship is legendary and relish that appropriately just wow   
Also you just jumped into the lake an hour ago there’s no way the bloodstain already set, go scrub your pants, there’s hope for them yet   
OH MY GOD I DO RELISH THIS FRIENDSHIP MOONY THANK YOU  
  
What shut up I meant you and James   
;) Right  
  
Wait back up pants not dead?  
  
Go run the hot water on them and rub the fabric together under the running tap and the stain should swirl right out without leaving a trace  
6:04 PM  
IT WORKED IT WORKED  
  
MOONY YOU HAVE SAVED MY LIFE  
  
Even with my perfectly normal height it can be tough finding skinny jeans that fit  
  
Especially in neon purple tbh  
  
You have saved my pants and life I am in your debt  
  
Wouldn’t wanna ruin tiny Sirius’ only pair of tiny pants  
Glad I could help d   
d?  
  
Shut up it’s a thumbs up   
MOONY OH MY GOD  
  
I retract it I retract the thumbs up   
YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO BAN ME FROM THE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE WELL KNOWN B) EMOTICON  
  
I still stand by that ban   
AND THEN YOU USE SOME OBSCURE THUMBS UP YOU INVENTED  
  
You can’t say you don’t see it   
I KNOW THAT’S THE PROBLEM I CAN NEVER UNSEE IT  
  
Ha.  
Wait this is the part where I ask why you have expertise getting blood out of clothing  
  
6:18 PM  
If you’re typing and retyping that because you really are a serial killer rest assured I still owe you my life and won’t object when you come to collect  
  
I’ll even give you MY address hint wink  
  
You’re ridiculous   
Extensive experience from many heavy period leaks  
Don’t type and erase this is the actual worst time for that just reply whatever I’m used to it   
Well sir I can see how that would give you extensive experience but just know that if you’re the kinda guy who also has some of that experience from the blood of your last victims being washed out of your favourite socks that I’m not judging  
  
Periods or murder Moons I hear they’re both pretty brutal, adds to your punk rock  
  
sir guy you’re really? I don’t   
wait wait  
Amended: They’re both a bloody pain yeah   
Both sir and guy yes and it’s even WAIT OH MY GOD WAS THAT A PUN  
  
YOU’RE NOT EVEN BRITISH I SHOULD HAVE MADE THAT PUN I AM A DISGRACE TO THE ENGLISH  
  
I should stop doing that um disgrace is another one only I can joke about it’s too deep  
  
I will absolutely do my best to keep that in mind Sirius thank you   
And Sirius  
Really, really thank you   
I have to go but I really really appreciate it. Thank you  
Love you too man <3 <3  
  
:)  


Sirius  
  
March 11 12:27 AM  
Judge - Twenty One Pilots   
  
Suburbia - Troye  
Swings  
  
Seesaws  
Chrysanthemums  
  
Green carnations  
Dusk  
  
Dawn  
Sweaters  
  
Socks  
Black  
  
aasfkj  
WHAT  
Black coffee  
  
12:39 AM  
Did I offend you somehow?   
  
No sorry I woke Prongs he was comforting me that was terrifying I thought  
Sorry it’s nothing just lol I thought you knew  
I thought you were saying something else  
ANYWAY  
What were we doing?  
... Okay?  
  
And idk I was just sharing the song I’m listening to but then I thought we were doing favs or something   
  
Is there anything you wouldn’t just go along with?   
  
Probably not but wait it was fun that was nice my turn  
Werewolves  
Mermaids  
  
11  
3  
  
Okay how did you not ask what I thought I was answering when you were doing this because I need to know what you thought the question was  
Oh idk favourite number, right?   
  
Um right yes  
Yeah it was fav number  
… Okay you’re right I have to ask   
  
Nothing it was fav number  
Juggling  
11  
  
Moonyyyy  
Eleven  
  
Left  
E l e v e n   
  
Fiiiine it was how many times you’ve smiled so far in this convo  
12:55 PM  
See this is why I didn’t say anything  
At least 4   
  
I mean I wasn’t counting but at least 4 I’m sure   
  
Do they count if I was crying at the same time   
  
Sorry ignore that ignore that   
  
Stop typing you’re not ignoring it I can tell   
  
12:58 AM  
If I have made you smile even once I will be proud of it and it shall warm me through the bitter cold dullness of detention later  
Thank you Sirius   
  
You’re my favourite person right now  
  
Wait don't reply to that either   
  
<3 :D  
Was juggling a skill or ? And left-handed?   
  
It was something I can absolutely 100% not even partially do and yes, you?  
Snapping and right-handed. Are you an artist?   
  
Umm I draw sometimes? And paint and stuff? Why?  
I’ve never met a left-handed person who wasn’t an artist   
  
Wow so I’m a legacy B)  
1\. Banned emoticon and 2. I’ve known like 6 people’s dominant hands so not that much an achievement   
  
LEGACY ARTIST BD  
Again, that is technically the same emoticon   
  
BXD Whatcha listening to now?  
1:07 AM  
This should not require that much typing Moons  
Bad Moon Rising - Creedence Clearwater Revival   
  
And what were you listening to when I asked?  
… Suburbia - Troye   
  
MOONS  
MOONBEAM <3  
Completely unrelated to you  
  
MOONSHINE <3 <3  
Prongs just asked if I am broken but I AM MORE WHOLE THAN EVER  
Really tho you make me so happy Moony  
Remus  
  
Is?  
My name is Remus   
  
Remus  
Reemusss  
!!!!  
R e m u s  
Remmmus  
Immediately  
  
What, Remus?  
Oh I thought that one’s question was “how fast did you regret giving me your name”   
  
<3 Remus  
Sirius you're   
  
What do I eat?   
  
Does this mean you’re officially declaring your love for me now?  
1:20 AM  
I have within arms reach 3 pieces of toast, some apricot jam, peanut butter, celery, and a few cans of soup   
  
I’ll take that as an absolutely  
I mean if you’ve already toasted it I’d say have that with the jam  
I haven’t toasted it yet   
  
?? You said toast  
Yeah like untoasted though   
  
... Remus  
That  
What??  
What?  
  
It isn’t toast then it’s just bread?  
I mean it’s all toast   
  
Remus I am beaming but you are absolutely wrong  
What do you call it once it’s toasted then??  
You’re way too amused here   
  
I call it toast   
  
I am the perfect amount of amused here  
How do you know if it’s toasted or not then?  
Toasted toast   
  
Remember when you gave me permission to say I love you?  
I remember nothing of the sort ever   
  
I love you Remus hahahah toasted toast  
1:35 AM  
I'm having soup  
  
BUT Remus the toasted toast!  
Vegetable soup from a can, gourmet   
  
Isn't that just more effort, Remus?  
You don't have to use my name in every message now that you know it   
  
And it would be effort if I were cooking it   
  
I'm relishing it Remus allow me this  
Well you've got to heat it  
“got to” is a bit strong   
  
… Remus tell me you aren't just drinking cold soup out of a can  
I'm not just drinking cold soup out of a can   
  
I'm also chewing a stick of celery   
  
Now who's too amused  
I am the exact level of amused this situation warrants  
  
You've made me hungry with your awful food choices, what should I eat?  
My food choices are fantastic and hm what are your options?   
  
Oh mine are practically endless, it's almost 6aM so I could steal some food from the kitchens no problem  
Well I say steal but honestly they all love me down there, practically shove the food into my hands (and pockets and any baskets or you know wheelbarrows or anything I happen to bring)  
… Okay I'm so lost, kitchens like multiple kitchens? And who is it that's slipping things into your pocket Sirius?   
  
I want you to know that even when I typed that I thought huh is Remus cheap enough to take a shot there  
And I thought of course he is  
But then I thought nah give the guy the benefit of the doubt  
And alas this is where I find myself  
So you're avoiding the question probably which okay but you should know you made me emotional over my celery because you said guy and him and just   
  
I didn't just tell you Remus as my name. I ONLY told you like you're the only one who has that name right now and I'm   
  
Just know that it's huge to me and that you really   
  
Please don't reply to this I don't it's fine it's okay just I wanted you to know because it's not a small thing at all to me and thank you Sirius   
  
Really, really thank you   
  
I won't say anything else but Remus I am so so honoured and you're so so so valid and <3 and I am getting teary over the jelly beans I stole from Wormtail they’re delicious  
And oh right so I go to a boarding school I meant the kitchen staff always give me tons of food  
You're in a boarding school   
  
Yup! Maybe I'll go ask for some toasted toast with mayo or something  
You're in a British boarding school   
  
Yes? Maybe a toasted toast sandwich with some bacon or avocado  
I can’t even focus on the toasted toast thing when like ?? I didn't even think boarding schools were a thing any more it's just registering in my head that you're some artistic British boarding school student   
  
Who boards buses dressed as half a bear and climbs flagpoles with bags of rubber mice and   
  
And calls me Remus and asked for my pronouns and sends me hearts and obnoxiously makes me smile all the time and   
  
And gets up at 5a for no particular reason and enjoys it and gets detention for absolutely ridiculous reasons and   
  
What even are you Sirius? Some book character or something   
  
I want to say don’t reply to any of that but I know it wouldn’t stop you   
  
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 REMUS  
Right well I'm going to bed   
  
REMUS <3 <3 I’M REALLY GLAD I MAKE YOU SMILE  
I'll shh I'll shh but REMUS I really am happy :)  
Also wait you're  
WAIT it’s 2aM there REMUS why are you eating cold soup at 2aM??  
Also did you say earlier you can't even partially snap??  
Alas, I am asleep  
  
Remus come backkk what do I eat  
How do you not know how to snap Remus what do you even mean by that  
2:09 AM  
No one falls asleep that quickly Remus  
2:11 AM  
Remus come onnn you can hear your phone going off I know you can  
2:14 AM  
Why did I teach you to mute it why  
2:17 AM  
Fiiine good night Remus  
2:43 AM  
Ttyl Remus <3  
3:21 AM  
So long Remus <3 :D  



	4. geese aka chased by satan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for some self-loathing and mentions of parent-loathing and parent death and nothing too in depth but if you'd like to skip approx 6:45-6:56 and 7:10-7:14 you can definitely do that!

Sirius  
  
March 11 5:04 PM  
Look I’m texting you before I’m bored out of my mind   
  
Friendship apparently   
  
FRIENDSHIP! Never fear I am here to entertain you!  
How will I know when I’m successful thoughhhh  
Okay okay here’s what we do: you send a ~ when I manage to make you smile  
You’re ridiculous ~   
  
I’M BEAMING IS THAT ALL IT TOOK  
I was promised entertainment I believe   
  
Oh right! Pick a number between 67 and 92  
… Sigh. It feels wrong to lie somehow so fine ~   
  
:D :D :D  
Will my choice legally haunt me?   
  
Hey let’s not forget who the alleged serial killer is in this friendship Remus  
5:15 PM  
Moons?  
5:17 PM  
Sorry I’m it’s the Remus thing it   
  
It’s really nice it’s   
  
It’s yeah   
  
~~~  
  
73  
  
Remus Remus Remus you have made a great choice Remus  
Remus Remus Remus <3  
Sirius I’m   
  
Thank you   
  
Also what have I chosen?   
  
d B)  
You have sentenced Prongs to a dare from THE List  
You are absolutely not allowed to combine those emoticons  
  
Is there a reason THE is in all caps?   
  
Also, I’m very sorry Prongs   
  
That said… what’s the dare?   
  
The List wasn’t ominous enough to handle #49 so we had to repaint it  
And don’t be sorry he’s filling plastic gloves with leaves and hanging minimum 97 from the beams on Frank’s bed  
Of course. I’m sorry Frank  
  
5:27 PM  
James is already begging for mercy his fingers are going numb from tying balloons  
No mercy for the dared  
  
5:31 PM  
He’s suffering so much poor P rongs 28 down however many to go  
69  
  
5:34 PM  
AKLJFLAJF MOONY THE FLIRTING WAS ONE THING  
Oh my God shut up I meant there are 69 to go   
  
HAHAHAHAHA I FELL OFF THE BED MOONY  
You are 12.   
  
REMUS you made Prongs knock the desk over and Wormy choked on his gum  
You are all 4 year olds   
  
And I know you’re helping him you giant softie  
  
5:38 PM  
Remus we are all still laughing  
I definitely don’t regret texting you in my boredom anymore  
  
5:42 PM  
REMUS THANK YOU <3  
That dripped so much sarcasm it made a lake for you to jump in  
  
5:45 PM  
Sigh why do you deny our love Moonsparkle  
Pretty sure I’ve learned my lesson from the whole ice and sharp rocks thing  
Right learned your lesson right so if I dared you to jump into a lake in 3 mins  
  
5:48 PM  
For YOU Remus I’d jump into a lake 3 mins AGO  
… I’m sighing heavily to type this but ~ you’re ridiculous   
  
5:50 PM  
I know the lag in your replies is because you’re helping Prongs   
  
So much for punk rock, can’t even watch a friend hang gloves till his fingers blister without stepping in   
  
5:53 PM  
Nothing is more punk rock than FRIENDSHIP  
And noooo I’m doing it for… fun? Yup  
Right sure, you hit 70 yet?   
  
5:58 PM  
Remus you underestimate us greatly  
You’re stalling till you hit 70 aren’t you   
  
6:03 PM  
That is an outrageous and unfounded accusation Remus  
6:06 PM  
Peter has undoubtedly been bribed or threatened into helping you so really there’s no excuse for not having hit 70   
  
6:09 PM  
HA SEVENTY IN YOUR FACE REMUS  
Congrats you’re almost there   
  
6:12 PM  
I’m getting bored again tell me a thing   
  
I found a crack in the ceiling of our room and drew it as a dragon  
Well I say found, I might’ve created it a little  
But it looks epic so  
~  
  
That is amazing come draw my entire ceiling   
  
You KNOW I would Remus  
Next best thing though I’ll send you my fav markers to do it yourself  
‘Teen body found murdered in bed by random teen he willingly gave his address to’ I can see the headlines   
  
‘Witnesses heard beautiful singing and flirtatious giggling in the moments preceding the murder and suspect it was the most fun either teen ever had’  
‘Funeral attended by 0 people and 6 geese’   
  
‘So young, to have been killed by such a punk rock incredible guy’  
‘Brutally done away with at the ripe age of 18 just for extreme naivety’   
  
6:23 PM  
???  
?  
  
REMUS I am a GENTLEMAN you didn’t have to LIE about your age!  
? I am 18   
  
But but you said we were the same age you were 17  
I was, yes, and as I haven’t been murdered yet now I’m 18   
  
You but asfja  
Please don’t, just let it go   
  
We’ve talked EVERY DAY we talked on your BIRTHDAY!!  
Listen listen   
  
6:31 PM  
its  
  
6:33 PM  
give me sec  
  
6:39 PM  
Remus?  
6:45 PM  
Remus I’m sorry you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to  
6:48 PM  
my mom died having me   
  
and my dad he loved her he wished I’d been the one to die he hates me I’ve always been something for him to hate and I’m hi   
  
I’m h   
  
and I’m also   
  
trans  
  
you know that but I had to say it but it’s not that it’s I’m h   
  
never midn i cant   
  
sirius i hate this i hate myself   
  
i dont know why i did this why did i   
  
i have to block you i have to i   
  
im freaking out i   
  
List of the Most Recent Things I’ve Set On Fire tell me when you’ve calmed breathe Moons breathe  
Grandfather clock  
Half a purple carpet  
Purple part is relevant the shade was a crime Remus  
A weird broken piece of plastic from Pete’s McD toy  
Frank’s chess instruction packet  
For obvious reasons  
He was too attached to it though Remus so it really was for his own good  
Um I don’t know I can’t think um I’m thinking but don’t worry I won’t stop I’m still here  
Still here still thinking I’m here Remus  
Oh okay last week there was a goatee  
Not like a person’s like a fake goatee  
It was only a singe though so maybe it doesn’t count  
Maybe muting your phone now if you’re in the convo anyway you don’t need the extra sounds  
I melted a glue stick and it kinda smoked for a second so I think it counts  
Hmm that might be everything from this week  
James set fire to this boa I was apparently wearing too much  
I think he was probably just jealous  
Also it had moths or was you know summoning them  
I am aware summoning is not the right word yes  
But ah well  
Um getting better?  
d  
  
Right I’ll generously allow that one  
Would you mind like can I say something?  
If you prefer I don’t I won’t  
yes  
  
you can  
  
Okay so let me phrase this right  
seeing you type too long will freak me out   
  
I’m sorry about your parents Remus and know that I can’t understand your specific situation but I’m here to listen and I mean I was able to get out and things get better I really hope you know that please and know being trans doesn’t invalidate anything you’ve said or anything about you however many you’re out to or anything Remus you’re valid valid valid and deserve better than you got  
im disgusting i was supposed to die i dont   
  
Remus you’re amazing and kind and nerdy and creative and clever and interesting and funny  
You deserve incredible things and you make me really happy all the time  
We can’t go back in time and change things but we can live with the now  
i dont want to i wasnt supposed to i dont want to and   
  
you say that but youd think i was too   
  
youd be disgusted   
  
stop typing dont   
  
stop just dont   
  
Remus I won’t say anything else if you don’t want me to and I don’t know the full situation but I genuinely really like you as a person and you make me really happy and I think I make you happy too so please don’t block me. Remus I’m sorry. For all of it.  
Remus <3  
somethign else Sirius something else   
  
Tiny Things That Make Sirius Smile  
Puppies that stumble then leap up and bark excitedly as if no one noticed  
When the salt shaker puts the perfect amount of salt  
When 2 buses pass each other at an intersection in different directions  
Especially when they’re the same route but going opposite ways  
I picture them with tiny arms waving at each other and their lights blink smiles  
I even drew a cartoon of it once  
When I can reach my slippers without getting out of bed  
Passing people at the grocery store who are beaming  
Just seeing people in general beaming just how to not smile at that  
When my pencil has an eraser that works really well  
Erasable pens  
~  
  
:) <3  
not bored anymore definitely   
  
Plenty of excitement for today yes  
Ohh and when nail polish goes on justttt right  
And finding money in James pockets when I didn’t expect to yup  
When one bird takes off from a tree then 20 more follow it   
  
When people try to feed geese and end up running like they’re being chased by Satan   
  
Because they’re being chased by Satan   
  
Pouring glue on my hands and peeling it off when it dries   
  
YES REMUS YES  
Autocorrect changing stop to sarcophagus   
  
… #relatable  
Autocorrect changing fire retardant to fire regurgitation  
Prongs googling fire regurgitation classes to impress a never-to-be-requited crush  
The school nurse’s face when Prongs shows up with a match lodged in his left nostril  
~  
  
The smell of dew on the grass in the morning   
  
Echo of seagull cries   
  
Lost people in hallways who don’t know where they’re going   
  
Differently coloured eyes   
  
I’m trying to decide if that poem was on purpose or not  
Remus  
Remus I’m singing it  
James is harmonizing but Peter won’t wake up  
Okay Peter is drumming on the bed posts he’s mostly asleep but his rhythm’s not bad considering  
Prongs says you’re awesome I said it first  
~ Ridiculous   
  
Incredible, but ridiculous   
  
ThingsFittingPerfectlyIntoOtherThings   
  
Is that a site or ?  
Yes it can be great for calming down   
  
Also just a weird sense of satisfaction seeing an oreo fit perfectly into a mento tube and etc   
  
Remus this is incredible THE TABLE WAS MADE TO FIT IN THIS CLOSET  
Oh it’s almost midnight there do you need to sleep?   
  
I thrive in the night! It is not my master nor am I its servant!  
I just tripped into my own headboard I maybe could fall asleep  
Go to sleep Sirius   
  
Okay I got into bed I’m suddenly 100x more sleepy mm  
its okay you can stop typng you don’t have to say it Remus you are 100% super welcome and incrdible and awesome and great and ily2 and again yes fine no need to badger I will marry you ill resrve the altar and everythign no worries  
really really any time ever <3  
i’lll sleep im mostly asleep now ttyl Remus have a good evning :)  
Good night Sirius, sleep well   
  
And you know   
  
Well  
  
<3  
  
THE ADRENLINE IS SURGNG I WILL NEVR SLEEP AGAIN AWWWW REMUSSSS YOU HAVE ACCPTED OUR LOVE <3 <2 <3 <#  
James rude threw somehting at me told me sleep Ill sleep night Moons  
Sweet dreams   
  
of youuu :D  
‘How to block text messages’   
  
okay oky lov you too ;)  
Thank you   
  
Not for that stop typing shh   
  
Just in general for today for everything for being you I don’t know   
  
I’m sorry okay go to sleep go to sleep talk tomorrow   
  
<3 <3 al ways Re muus <3  



	5. a business of ferrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PleaseDonateBlood: "Not fully edited as is my usual apparently but thanks for the support!
> 
> Mention of parent hatred (Remus at 4:27) and dysphoria at the end (Remus at 9:34) - just mentioned!"

Moony!!  
  
March 12 6:44 AM  
What should the prize be for our Jenga competition?  
  
im asleep no  
Well last time it was a turtle but then it chewed holes in all our sheets and bit Wormy’s toe and escaped  
  
So Prongs banned me from picking the prize and Wormy can’t think this early and that leaves you  
  
chocolate  
Oh that’s actually what we’re playing Jenga WITH so it would be a bit much  
  
Not something alive, you think?  
  
your right thumb   
Yikes Moons really not a night/morning person  
  
no ones a 3a person  
Right right different time zone, in GMT-4 right?  
  
no cornwall is in gmt-5   
REMUS WHAT  
  
REMUS DID YOU JUST SAY CORNWALL  
  
ARE YOU  
  
CORNWALL??  
  
6:59 AM  
asjdk  
dropped phone  
um typo??  
REMUS  
  
CORNWALL?!?!  
  
fine yes i live in cornwall  
cheater its too early to trick me into this   
its small but you cant find my address any easier   
But you said  
  
Remus you said you were ??  
  
The time difference and the GMT-5  
  
Why did you ??  
  
I’m not accusing I’m just trying to understand  
  
?  
im mostly asleep i dont understnd  
I also live in Cornwall  
  
... you  
no  
but youre  
sirius what do you mean  
What do YOU mean??  
  
I tripped over the dresser pacing REMUS WHAT DO YOU MEAN CORNWALL?!  
  
but youre british  
Yes and you just moved here so you aren’t but ?? CORNWALL  
  
7:12 AM  
wait you mean  
7:14 AM  
okay  
got it  
cornwall uk  
Yeah ?  
  
yeah im cornwall ca  
im in canada  
its a coincidence  
youre typing somethng about destiny i can feel it   
REMUS AIJFL:AJFO ITS DESTINY FATE OUR FRIENDSHIP WAS MEANT TO BE WE ARE LINKED IN SO MANY WAYS OUR LOVE WOULD ALWAYS HAVE FLOURISHED AND BLOSSOMED  
  
w o w im asleep okay   
JAMES SAYS HE CAN’T BELIEVE IT  
  
PETER SAYS WE HAVE TO GET TO CLASS HE IS HEARTLESS AND JEALOUS IGNORE HIM  
  
CORNWALL REMUS  
  
I HAVE NEVER LOVED THIS COUNTY SO MUCH  
  
CORNWALL REMUS CORNWALL <3  
  
7:24 AM  
~ youre being silly go to class   
  
SLEEP WELL MY FELLOW CORNWALLER <3  
I just CORNWALL CORNWALL!!!  
  
Okay class but Remus I’ll be grinning about this the rest of today I’m :D  
  
CORNWALL !!  
  
Good night Remus <3  
  
Next time we play Jenga, prize will be a Cornwall poster  
  
~ asleep  


Sirius  
  
12:32 PM  
Distract me  
  
A group of ferrets is called a business  
Um. Why  
  
Why do you just have that as ready information??   
  
The universe is fascinating Remus  
Right. And the name for a group of ferrets is fascinating enough to have prepared to distract random strangers with at any time  
  
First of all yes absolutely and second of all Remussss what do I have to do for you to accept our love D: I mean if the CORNWALL SOULMATES wasn’t enough  
You can start by never using that emoticon ever again   
  
Deal!! BFFs??  
Also I think this is the point where I question how strongly opposed you are to all my favourite emoticons  
I'm texting you right now to distract me from my boredom and my own head I don't think that constitutes you adding me to your BFFs list it seems pretty high standard   
  
And they're obnoxious emoticons  
  
I text Prongs and Wormy to distract me from both all the time and we're blood brother BFFS I'm not even asking you for a vial here just your acceptance of the bonding of our hearts  
As much as I'm sure you want to stir HIV into your blood kinship I'm pretty sure with James and Peter your friendship standards are ones I'd never meet  
  
Don't retype spit it out  
  
Sirius just ask  
  
Best not stir up blood then we'll stick to being SOUL BFF soulmates, way more special  
And okay asking: Did you just actually use the phrase blood kinship?  
what??  
  
I tried whispering to James that he was my blood kin but he heard King and now he's calling me his Blood Squire  
Which is offensive on many levels, I'd be at least a Blood Page  
Apparently Burbage does not appreciate our whispering about blood kingdoms across the room when she’s overseeing detention  
you're  
  
that's not the question Sirius just ask   
  
Question: Remus will you accept our BFF-soulmate-ship?  
drugs or sex  
  
Nah I think we could just start with candy and cuddling and work our way up maybe  
Sirius it's  
  
when people dont ask its because theyre thinkng it  
  
nd you didnt ask and youre thinking it judging  
  
If you want me to ask questions I will but Remus I'll level with you I'm googling fast but my ignorance here is like 402856% with the 0.0003 things I know I'm sorry  
But Remus I'm not thinking anything like that and you don't have to say anything you don't want to and who the hell are the judgmental pricks to even, screw them  
thats exactly what theyre afraid of   
  
And even reading the comments on this article is making me furious because people are really stupid but I won't ask until I know my questions won't be stupid and ignorant and offensive Remus I'm  
OH MY GOD REMUS  
REMUS I FELL OFF THE DESK LAUGHING I ALMOST GOT MY PHONE TAKEN AWAY  
REMUS WHAT ARE YOU HAHAHAHAHAHA  
what I am is freaking out just a bit   
  
i wasnt going to say it i was   
  
is this real how could I do that you didnt kn   
  
sirius i cant breathe why did i   
  
The Beatles used to be called Johnny and the Moondogs  
just a sec  
  
how do you do this how are you real  
  
Sirius  
  
~  
  
Don't feel ashamed  
For not knowing  
It's no wonder the Beatles keep it well hidden  
Thank you  
  
Moon dogs though   
  
It's basically us   
  
!!!!  
MOONY YOU'RE RIGHT!!!  
<3  
Wait  
How did you know?  
How did I know your name? You told me. And I'm pretty sure that was after I'd warned you about giving your name away to just anyone so   
  
Oh I googled the star thing I was curious   
  
REMUS you already accepted our BFF Cornwall soulmateship you aren't just anyone and you're telling me you already knew about the dog star??  
Awww you googled me <3  
You still  
  
You still want to talk? and like  
  
Be friends?  
  
Remus halt your typing I want to be CORNWALL SOULMATES we’re clearly beyond friends  
You're  
  
Not real  
  
Like  
  
Sirius. Thank you.  
  
And  
  
ah moons phoen taken ill get it back 4 tmrw ily burbage yankng it frm me sry!!!!  


Moony!!  
  
March 13 4:00 PM  
REMUS I HAVE RETURNED TO YOU <3 The cruel Burbage cannot keep us apart  
  
Welcome back   
Pick a number 1-23   
3  
  
Isn't it nice to just get an answer without unreasonable accusations and suspicions?  
  
What have I picked?  
  
You picked Hershey Cookies & Cream and it was a great choice thank you   
I'm proud of that choice then  
  
But Remus consider: Lindt truffles  
  
Nooo shut up now I'll start craving them   
Aaand it's too late   
Now I need them   
Ooh sorry Moons I'd share but alas no address to send my mouthwatering rich delicious incredible truffles  
  
You're right, here you send me your address and I'll make sure the hitman feeds you chocolate before the bullet   
Yikes harsh I'll eat my chocolate in silence then  
  
Shouldn't have bothered asking you looks like I'll just eat all 24   
I support that I'm eating my way through Pete's stash now too  
  
Kinda concerned at the amount of mistletoe kitkat in here ngl it's March Wormy why  
  
Good for Peter stay out of his stash   
I'll shower him in mistletoe kisses later it'll even out  
  
I  
<del>I want some too</del>  
I'm sure he'll appreciate that?   
Ohh not kisses nah Pete's too ace for that I meant like Hershey mistletoe kisses  
  
<del>Are you</del>  
<del>Are you all queer?</del>  
You just have a stash of those on hand yet you mooch from Peter?   
The kisses may technically belong to James  
  
He owes me kisses though so  
  
For your existence and friendship right?   
Yes naturally that too but he owes me the Hershey kisses for taking a detention for him today after I was caught WRONGFULLY for a prank HE couldn't pull off  
  
He also owes me forehead kisses because he gives magical ones and I demand those  
  
Do you actually ever not have detention? And sounds nice, enjoy those   
I'm pretttyyy sure I spend more days out of detention than in it  
  
And Remus YES they're superior to anyone else's  
  
People avoid touching me with gloves and think my sneezes will give them AIDS and my dad hates my existence Sirius I've never had my forehead kissed  
It's not contagious through texting  
Okay sorry I'm realizing that I can say that but I really am not in a place where you could so like   
Please don't lightly just   
About that like especially now or like joke or   
I know I just did but   
If you really   
Ohhh  
I bet twelve more pieces of chocolate you had to run to detention  
Wait Remus sorry had to run to detention!!  
  
Wait wait sorry!!  
  
Oh just a sec  
  
Okay so 100% I won't but that doesn't mean you can't, it's okay if you talk joke about it however Remus I won't talk about anything you don't want me to  
  
Also the kisses I'll get one for you from Prongs tonight Remus and I'll start training under him so that when I give you your forehead kiss it'll be your first and ultimate best one ever  
  
Sorry  
  
... You're ridiculous  
Are you supposed to be texting in detention?   
I mean what are any of us really supposed to do ever  
  
What really are obligations anyway  
  
And who decides what is supposed to happen after all  
  
So no then  
It would be so boring otherwise  
  
But now I have a REMUS to entertain me :D  
  
Hmm great book to reread for 12th time this morning VS entertaining Sirius through a well-deserved detention   
The book is looking p r e t t y great right now   
Well deserved?? I'm sacrificing myself for a friend!! Selflessness!!  
  
You're getting chocolate out of it, far as I know that makes it considerably not selfless   
If you can’t defend it off the bat maybe it’s a sign you belong there   
Trelawney’s on detention today and she has like 40/40 vision alas I must put the phone away to save it from dreadful snatching fate but I will return to you soon Moonshine, live on for me  
  
I'll try my best to survive  
<3  
  
If that’s what you get caught for I’ll have no sympathy   
<3 <3  
  
Put it away already  
You had to leave after I already finished all my chocolate now what  
Sirius I know you’re being all  
Being like you are about this  
Being  
idk nice and all that  
But if you feel  
Just  
I can’t believe I actually said  
I told you and   
Okay okay you got your phone taken away probably  
5:23 PM  
But just that I told you at all  
And you just  
5:33 PM  
You’re out so I guess you did get your phone taken   
Ridiculous  
Thanks for today Sirius  
nd not just thanks but really   
Really thank you   
You’re… incredible   
Don’t brush it off or anything   
You really, really are, and it’s amazing and I’m   
Glad  
7:45 PM  
I’m reading that earlier mess of emotions and just   
Sorry  
’m not usually this  
It’s the hormone mess this time of month   
God I’m just   
Already telling you all these things might as well keep going apparently   
I kept thinking it’s because you’re not real to me but  
I don’t know you’re just   
I don’t know Sirius but thanks   
There’s a better word than thanks but I can’t think of one   
I’ll blame the hormones for that too  
8:12 PM  
Don’t get arrogant when you get these all tomorrow I didn’t miss you or anything  
8:37 PM  
What did I do about boredom before  
9:28 PM  
I knocked a bottle of water off the dresser and sobbed about it I hate periods   
Even when they’re not excruciatingly dysphoric they’re agonizing   
I’m literally still crying about a water bottle  
10:57 PM  
Wow sorry about the message spam I’ll stop now   
I have no doubt you’ll text me from detention tomorrow so   
ttythen I guess   
… ~ Good night Sirius   
<3  


Moony!!  
  
March 15 4:05 PM  
That was the ultimate welcome back I have never missed my phone this much and I have never been this happy getting it back thank you Remus I’m really glad you’re in my life too and I hope the mess of hormones was soothed by mounds of chocolate and I’m really glad you feel like you can tell me things and I don’t know what I did before you either  
  
And like <3 <3 <3  
  
I mean it’s no water bottle falling but that text made me a mess too  
  
Sinistra was complaining about us youth and our attachment to phones  
  
That we’d cry getting them back  
  
Remus <3  
  
Like really just <3 you’re incredible and amazing too and I’m really glad we’re friends  
  
BFFs in fact  
  
Cornwall Soulmates ™  
  
sorry cramps ttyl but ditto minus the bff soulmates   
Chocolate and rest and warm blankets! <3  
  
And don’t worry ily2 Cornwall Soulmate BFF ;)  
  
Feel better soon Remus <3  
  
~ <3  



	6. Scottish Captain Hook

Moony!!!  
  
March 15 12:02 PM  
So fellow Cornwaller!  
  
  
  
My Cornwall buddy!  
  
12:06 PM  
Cornwall pal!  
  
BFF Cornwalling!  
  
12:13 PM  
I HAD to point out the mute smh  
  
12:19 PM  
Fiiiiine sleep well (in Cornwall) Remus ;)  
  


Sirius  
  
11:59 AM  
Look who’s up before noon   
  
If you got another detention for texting in class you deserved it  
  
REMUS my Cornwalling BF you have returned!  
I lost the forever status then, shall I mark an end date on my agenda?   
Ohhh right right it stood for BEST friend ;) ;)  
12:06 PM  
Sirius  
  
;D  
So finally up, whatcha up to?  
Up to here with you   
  
asifjo REMUS YOU’RE SO CUTE HAHAHAHHAHAHA THAT WAS LAME <3  
12:10 PM  
~ Yet accurate and truthful   
  
Not much, just reading   
  
Wishing I could magically summon a box of ferrero from the closet   
  
And you? Heading for detention?   
  
Remussss you should know that I have a special unique victory dance every time I succeed in making you smile so everyone in my general vicinity is eternally grateful to your smiles  
Also how dare you I’m reading too  
I don’t even have to leave for detention for another 13 minutes  
I’ve gotta get some ferrero soon too mm so rich and perfect  
12:17 PM  
You’re not typing because I flustered you :D :D  
THAT’S ADORABLE REMUS YOU’RE BLUSHING AGAIN  
I am doing no such thing I am seething with indignation my arms are crossed   
  
And shhh no you’ll make it worth crawling out of bed for, no chocolate talk. Talk about reading, what are you reading?   
  
In the interests of science though… what does this dance involve exactly?   
  
;) ;) Don’t worry, my hips definitely don’t lie  
12:23 PM  
Sirius  
  
4 whole minutes yup I’ll have you know that I went ahead and counted that as a victory as I know for a fact you smiled and buried your face in a pillow  
I know it for a FACT Remus  
… Shut up. What are you reading?   
  
;) ;)  
Go to detention   
  
You should relish the freedom of the non-bedridden-ness and go for the chocolate  
Yeahhh technically I may not actually have that specific permission yet…   
  
But what rule is chocolate not the exception to really?   
  
Nope no chocolate then, resist the urge, rules are there for a reason Moons  
Hark who’s talking, don’t you have a detention you’re late for?   
  
Late is such a technicality  
Go to detention Sirius  
  
12:31 PM  
YES it’s Binns today, he doesn’t care what we do, James and I could probably sneak out as long as we make it back in time  
He doesn’t even care if you leave?   
  
Binns just sleeps like the dead the whole hour  
Once, Peter’s phone died while he was listening to music and somehow it kept playing the music but through the phone speaker not headphones and on MAX VOLUME  
It was so loud and sudden Kingsley jumped up and tipped a DESK over and THAT crashed to the ground and everyone shouted at him and we turn and Binns hasn’t moved an inch  
I worry one day we’ll all assume he’s asleep and he’ll just have silently died in his sleep during detention or something  
12:37 PM  
MOOONYYYY come entertain me detention is boring Prongs abandoned me  
12:39 PM  
Wormy and Prongs are playing some really boring word game they’re nerds entertain me Remus  
Remusssss  
12:43 PM  
Binns was probably bored too then   
  
MOONY I died of boredom twice in your absence  
And Binns did 3 times but who’s counting   
  
Got the chocolate!   
  
We are both victorious then!  
Ferrero is everything beautiful in the world   
  
Both of us? What did you accomplish?   
  
You came back to me <3   
S I G H ~   
  
MOONY NO  
12:50 PM  
Everyone’s laughing at me look what you’ve done  
What??  
  
Sirius no one told you to invent an obligatory dance rule ??   
  
It was necessary Moons  
I have to bask in the glory of the Remus Smile ™  
Nottt really something to bask in   
  
I made you SMILE  
I made you SMILE because you LIIIIIKE me  
I’m so sweet I made the chocolate unnecessary  
Whoa nope wouldn’t go that far   
  
!! But you’d go far as the rest??  
<3 REMUS  
Go read your book do something productive with your detention   
  
Nah I only started it again because I thought I’d need entertainment for detention  
Now I have way better entertainment ;D  
Bye  
  
Remusssssss  
What book are you rereading?   
  
Peter Pan which amazing yes but vs Remus nooooope  
Peter Pan is fantastic I won’t feel guilty abandoning you to that   
  
Nooooooo stay stay discuss Peter Pan with me  
Talk to me about chocolate  
Or books reading  
Or what’s it like to hit doorways all the time  
~ What are you doing?   
  
I realllly like hearing people talk about things they love  
That’s… really cute   
  
STOP TYPING   
  
AWWWWWWWWW I THINK YOU’RE CUTE TOO REMUS <3 <3 <3  
ANYWay did you know Peter Pan was written by a Scottish author?   
  
Nope hmm interesting?  
It is because that means when you read it, all those voices were Scottish in his head when he wrote it   
  
Scottish Peter Pan   
  
Scottish Wendy   
  
Scottish Captain Hook   
  
Scottish TINKER BELL   
  
OH MY GOD WHAT  
Yeahhh use that as extra entertainment as you read, enjoy detention   
  
WAIT DON’T LEAVE ME  
Remusss my fellow Cornwaller return to me!  
You’re really happy about this whole Cornwall thing, huh?   
  
You can’t say you didn’t get excited about it!! Remus we’re BOTH in CORNWALL  
WE’RE BASICALLY SOULMATES  
Yeah we are   
  
WAIT WAIT   
  
OH MY GOD  
I SENT THAT BEFORE YOU SENT THAT MESSAGE   
  
I’M ACTUALLY SCREAMING  
IF THIS DOESN'T WAKE BINNS NOTHING EVER WILL REMUSSSS !!!!!!!!!  
I WAS REPLYING TO THE WE’RE BOTH IN CORNWALL NOT THE OTHER THING   
  
YOU ADMITTED WE’RE SOULMATES YOU ADMITTED TO OUR LOVE  
I SENT IT BEFORE I GOT THAT MESSAGE   
  
JAMES CONGRATULATES US HE ALWAYS BELIEVED  
Good grief  
  
MARLENE SAYS SHE KNEW YOU’D WARM UP TO ME  
Who?? Siriussss I wasn’t replying to that!   
  
DAVEY WISHES YOU LUCK HE SAYS YOU’LL NEED IT HE’S A PRAT BUT !!!  
?? Did you sent out a PSA or something?   
  
I SHOULD SEND OUT A MASS TEXT YOU’RE RIGHT THIS CAN’T JUST STAY BETWEEN THE DETENTION CREW  
Why does it not surprise me all your friends are in detention too   
  
For your information there’s plenty of people in detention that hate me  
They’re probably just jealous of how many times I’ve done the dance this period though  
You haven’t made me smile that many times   
  
I have, I know I have, even if you haven’t admitted it all of them  
Go read your book   
  
ENCORE OF THE DANCE FINE REMUS  
Yeah they’re definitely jealous, Avery wishes he was flexible like this, he can barely pull off a decent tango Remus it’s just sad  
1:24 PM  
What what are you un-typing?  
Oh nothing I just remembered how short you are and it changed the whole scene   
  
:D  
It just means I’m laughing at you   
  
You mean grinning because I’m hot  
That is 100% not why I’d be grinning   
  
You can’t deny our Cornwall soulmate bond  
Tbh most of my appreciation for the Cornwall thing is just amusement at how excited you are by it   
  
SO I DID MAKE YOU HAPPY  
I mean I laughed AT you   
  
YOU LAUGH IN GLEE WITH ME AT OUR CORNWALL SOULMATE BOND  
Inaccurate   
  
Mary says she’s jealous we’re such soulmates  
Have you actually told every single person you know about me?   
  
My joy cannot be contained Remus! <3  
I’m laughing at you again   
  
:D <3  
AT you not WITH you   
  
:D :D <3 <3  
Aren’t you out of detention? My entertaining time is over, right?   
  
I mean technicalllyyyyyy  
I’m off to get more chocolate   
  
You said chocolate was the exception to all but it wasn’t enough to leave me  
I’ll take that ;)  
asdj prongs flipped their game as binns woke up running away  
Hope he catches you   
  
Ttyl  
  
runninggg bye soulmate thx for detention company ttyl ily2 <3!!  
~ <3  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mary: "Sorry Binns... His ghost presided on over detentions... and slept through them still…  
The Scottish realization was me finding out Darcy is Australian aka realizing that at some some level everyone in Text Talk is Australian in his head which !! and fine I’m too obsessed with his fic but it lead to this one so technically we all are"


	7. d-(^_^)z

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAH Y'ALL THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE CHAPTER IM SO EXCITED TO HAVE IT DONE

Moony!!!  
  
March 16 4:01 PM  
SO now that you’ve admitted we’re soulmates do I get an address to shower you in chocolate and plaster markers?  
  
1\. I admitted nothing.   
2\. No.   
3\. Pretty sure those aren’t a thing   
Did you want a screenshot because lucky you Remus I have EVIDENCE  
  
Also they ARE a thing they’re awesome kinda like paint almost  
  
Oh but don’t use them on your skin they don’t wash off for weeks and it BURNS  
  
Of course you’d use the plaster markers made for plaster on your non-plaster skin   
Well you already know the city, just send them to Cornwall, Ontario as a whole and I’m sure some will filter down to me eventually   
Remus do you think this is a joke and that I won’t literally send packages of chocolate to Cornwall City Hall with instructions inside Please deliver to Remus Moonshine because Moony you know I will I willlll look  
  
um this is Pete, Pads shoved the phone into my hand to back him up and Remus he will he really will whatever it is he said don’t doubt it for a second and oh Prongs is  
  
REMUS THIS IS JAMES IF YOU GIVE ME YOUR ADDRESS I’LL SEND YOU SIRIUS’ COLAFJIOJWS  
  
IGNORE HIM REMUS IGNORE ALL OF THAT except what Wormy said, Prongs is dead to us now  
  
4:07 PM  
Moons?  
  
Sorry I'm  
Your friends call me Remus   
OUR friends do call you Remus yes as that is your name  
  
Though if you have something else you’d prefer lay it on us Remus  
  
I’m   
~  
What was James threatening to send me?   
Remus  
  
<3  
  
Hey if you wanted it, all it’d take was an address  
  
Yeah. Bottom line there, Sirius, is that my dad will   
Well let’s say he’ll be less than thrilled if I get a package addressed to Remus   
He’s torn it off my door enough times   
And  
Well no way in hell I’m having you address it to who he wants   
Damn hadn’t thought of that  
  
Yeah  
Okay we’re on it Remus we’ll let you know  
  
? On what?   
Come on Remus just last week we did 17 trial experiments in a row with 239 rubber mice just to find ones that could survive 2 full minutes of microwaving  
  
And you wouldn’t believe the 6th trial Moons it was  
  
Well the dresser almost covers the wall but even the layers underneath peeled so  
  
And #13 there was some kind of electrical surge? Or  
  
Wait wait I had a point here  
  
OH! Yeah so yup we’re problem solvers Remus, we’ll get it B) d  
  
What did I say about using those emoticons   
All 3 of us kindly thank you for your faith in us Remus! <3  
  
Also you said “Sirius I love them and you and wow how do you bring me so much joy”  
  
Shut up  
NOT SEEING A DENIAL THERE <3 <3  
  
ANYWay what are you up to?   
REMUS <3  
  
I’M BEAMING  
  
Remus <3  
  
I did the dance you don’t have to admit it  
  
Right same I’m not up to much either, finally out of bed, jet lag almost gone by now   
Okay okay I’ll shh but Remus you do make me really happy and I’m still grinning  
  
And CONGRATS on freedom from bed! Celebrate with toasted toast now that you can get to a toaster  
  
Thanks but toaster will be last thing I unpack tbh not worth it   
Your dad hasn’t unpacked the toaster by now?  
  
Unpacking isn’t a man’s work Sirius of course he hasn’t   
Shows who the bigger man is here then Remus you’ll show him when you’re smugly eating your toasted toast and that toaster’s back in the box  
  
Really though that’s what you do  
  
Unpack what you use while you use it then tuck it back in  
  
Big manly misogynists can probably psychically summon the things they want since they’re incapable of getting anything for themselves so  
  
You  
Are great  
I’m eating a hot dog bun with peanut butter   
Blue bubble gum from at least 4 months ago  
  
Older and Taller - Regina Spektor   
Rock of Ages - Def Leppard  
  
Elbow  
  
Shin  
REMUS HOW  
  
My assumption was last thing you slammed against a sharp corner accidentally so   
THAT WAS IN FACT THE QUESTION REMUS DO YOU FEEL IT NOW THE SOULMATENESS  
  
If my excuse is long uncontrollable limbs then I really don’t see what yours is   
You must be so compact how do you ever bump into anything   
W O W REMUS  
  
First of all height does not make short people magically graceful  
  
That said I am magically graceful and the only reason I ever bump into anything is YOU distracting me from looking up and my “friends” to use the term loosely who think it’s funny and move the dressers all just a bit to the side  
  
Rude  
  
~ Why didn’t I think of that wow they’re incredible   
Glad my suffering brings you joy Moons  
  
d  
WAIT I TAKE IT BACK   
MOONY BD B) BD d  
  
Okay that doesn’t even work though   
Like they don’t link together the emoticons are facing the wrong way   
d-BD  
  
Better?  
  
I’m going to regret sharing this so much I can feel it but look:   
d-(^_^)z   
REMUS OH MY GOD  
  
REMUS  
  
But wait what’s the z  
  
IT’S A HAND ON HIP OH MY GOD REMUS  
  
REMUS THIS IS AMAZING I’M FORWARDING IT TO EVERYONE  
  
Also forward them my apologies   
4:48 PM  
Malfoy says screw your apologies and where did I get his number ha what a tosser as if there are numbers I don't have   
  
James says he doesn’t love you any less but that he hates you  
  
Nooo my smores   
REMUS THANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT  
  
I’ve gotten 7 wtf’s in the last minute that’s how you know Remus  
  
I apologize to the entire other Cornwall  
4:54 PM  
What have I done   
d-(^_^)z  
  
Right well now that I’ve inflicted that on the world I gotta go, I have an appt   
Might not reply a while, don’t abuse the power of the emoticon   
BD Who me I would never I’ve got it under control d-(^_^)z  
  
Oh okay good luck!  
  
Thanks I’ll need it   
Nothing more traumatizingly dysphoric than hospitals and all   
The whole time they’re being their wrong selves just imagine the giant version of that emoticon that Prongs and I are gonna mow into the hill outside Remus it’ll be epic  
  
5:01 PM  
That… will definitely help   
You brought a lawnmower to boarding school?   
Wellll no but come on Remus how hard can it be to get into the grounds workers storage  
  
With the amount of sharps and hazardous machinery in there, I’d imagine quite hard   
Soooo Remus what you’re saying is  
  
You dare me to do it  
  
How did I not see this coming   
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED REMUS  
  
I have only myself to blame for this   
REMUS WE WILL MAKE IT EPIC IN YOUR HONOUR  
  
I don’t doubt that   
I’m not wishing you luck but… have fun with that then   
We will have a BLAST thank you sir  
  
5:11 PM  
I'm  
Thank you Sirius   
For like   
All of that   
I did notice   
IIIII don’t even know to what you’re referring Remus  
  
And that said knowing your name hasn’t gotten less exciting Remus it’s just as thrilling every day  
  
But also you’re welcome <3  
  
I really do have to go to the appt now and like I won’t be able to message a while maybe few days depending but yeah when I do   
If you could just   
Like I probably won’t want to think about it or talk about it so   
Like asking how it was or anything if you could please not?   
Yeah  
Absolutely noted Remus I’ll immediately burst straight into song no worries  
  
5:19 PM  
Not exactly what I meant but   
I’m thinking I’ll start with some Blue Neighbourhood at this point but we'll see where I am at the time  
  
I’m sure I’ll appreciate that greatly   
Sirius thank you   
I’ll   
Bye   
~  
Hope it goes well I’ll miss youuuu Remus return to me soon <3 best of luck!! Remember, think of a giant hill mowed into the d-(^_^)z  
  
Oh also!  
  
d-(^_^)z  
  
It won't me too I'll try thanks and thanks I will it’ll fuel me through I’ll be unstoppable now   
REMUS WAS THE ME TOO THAT YOU’LL MISS ME  
  
REMUS YOU’LL MISS ME TOO  
  
<3 <3  
  
YOU ARE TRULY UNSTOPPABLE AND A FORCE TO RECKON WITH AND ETC  
  
<3  
  
5:27 PM  
~  


Moony!!!  
  
March 18 5:52 AM  
REMUS YAY REMUSSSS ohhhh I see your typing okay okay *ahem*  
  
I'M LYING ALONE WITH MY HEAD ON THE PHONE  
  
THINKIN ABOUT YOU TILL IT HURTS  
  
wow  
I know  
  
YOU HURT TOO  
  
BUT WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO  
  
right thx   
TORMENTED AND TORN APART  
  
you plan t keep going til you hit chorus? bc ill fall asleep   
Depriving the entire common room from hearing the beginning to get right to the chorus I like it alright Remus  
  
not exactly my end goal but sure   
I'M ALL OUT OF LOVE! I’M SO LOST WITHOUT YOU!! I KNEW YOU WERE RIGHT!!! BELIEVING FOR SOOO LONG!!!!  
  
I'll hold for admiration and applause here  
  
from the room at large or?   
Is that the subtle way of hinting I won't get any from you Moons because I'm still holding for that applause too  
  
more outright stating and bit questioning   
what are you waiting for   
Well I'm compared to a dog enough to outright hound people about the  
  
REMUS  
  
WAS THAT  
  
WAS THAT THE LYRIC  
  
DID YOU JUST SING WITH ME DID YOU SERENADE ME BACK  
  
FRANK THREW HIS OTHER SHOE AT ME FOR THE SCREECHING SOUNDS I’M MAKING REMUS YOU SERENADED ME  
  
when why did he throw his 1st shoe?   
When I sang “tormented and torn apart” in a bad German accent REMUS CHANGING THE SUBJECT AFTER SERENADING ME  
  
speaking of other subjcts why is anyone else awake?   
I will allow the topic change as a return gift for your adorable serenade which will forever warm my soul Moons  
  
And because IT’S THE WEEKEND!  
  
AT LONG LAST!  
  
FREE REIGN!!  
  
oh god you’re right its saturday why the hell youre awake at 6a on sat   
Remus we’ve been up since 5, we’ve already had breakfast on the astronomy tower twice and James braided my whole head into fishtails  
  
i  
??  
He had to watch youtube tutorials yeah he wasn’t just naturally skilled like at all  
  
my qs were more why but sure   
stop shh no typing im gonna sleep im sleeping till noon text me then   
Remussss that’s TEN HOURS from now  
  
shh i slept like 2 hours since last time we talked   
Yikess get some rest then Moons <3 <3 but how do I survive a further TEN HOURS after DAYS without my Moonbeam??  
  
well both try our best   
AWWW YOU’RE SAYING YOU’LL STRUGGLE WITHOUT ME TOO REMUS <3  
  
ill be asleep   
So you’re saying you’ll DREAM OF ME B)  
  
i wish  
6:17 AM  
sahfkad MOONY I TRIPPED DOWN 5 STEPS  
  
PRONGS WON’T STOP LAUGHING AT ME  
  
Remus how do you do this how  
  
Like I shower you with love and hearts and you send 2 words and bam KO  
  
I feel like you cracked a sunshine firecracker inside me right now  
  
That’s how you make me feel Remus  
  
Just <3 <3  
  
6:22 AM  
You’re conveniently asleep leaving me to mush through my feelings alone then?  
  
6:26 AM  
I’m stealing your thing but ~ ~ ~  
  
6:29 AM  
Fiiine sleep Moons dream of me! <3  
  
10:13 AM  
Okay you’re muted anyway so I won’t expect replies till 4 but GUESS WHAT PRONGS JUST DID HAHAHAHA  
  
afjk  
  
10:20 AM  
Hi Remus I’ve missed you too! <3 Your bf is weak and also lying it was all his fault I don’t even have socks that colour and Pads was the one to fold the forks in I am BLAMELESS also hey has he gfd  
  
10:37 AM  
I PREVAILED OVER THE EVIL PRONGS I HAVE RETURNED!  
  
im back  
REMUS!  
  
sirius  
<3 nightmare?  
  
not too bad dont wanna talk abt it   
tell me a thing?  
There’s a library in Quebec that’s half in the US and half in Canada you can be in a library in 2 countries!  
  
its also an opera house  
Ooh! You’ve been??  
  
James threw a shoe at me and says my soprano is screechy, come fight him with me  
  
Or just duet with me   
  
havent been, dad has, nd shush prongs youre nut better   
“PRONGS SHUT UP MY VOICE IS BEAUTIFUL AND YOU’RE A NUT”   
  
typo shut up im sleep  
thx ly James  
R  
  
RMEUS  
  
REMUS NO  
  
YOU CAN'T LOVE JAMES  
  
you do  
So do you Remus of course you have to love James I meant you CAN’T SAY YOU LOVE HIM BEFORE YOU LOVE ME  
  
alas too late  
10:53 AM  
Remus <3 its Prongs again I think you broke Pads ly2 also fun quote: “JAMES HE SAYS ALAS HE JUST TYPES IT JUST LIKE THAT JAMES I LOVE HIM” ily more Remus never forget  
  
10:55 AM  
Hi Remus this is Pete I definitely love you more than both they’ve rolled across my feet six times so far they’re fighting for the phone but don’t think they’ve noticed I’ve got it yet though I’m typing as obviously as I can oh aoisfj  
  
10:59 AM  
betting on James tbh  
MOONY  
  
muted, asleep again, thx guys  
SLEEP WELL REMUS, ANY TIME <3  
  
Like actually any time like always  
  
We hardly even sleep so  
  
Lovely dreams of chocolate within arm’s reach Remus! Talk sooon d-(^_^)z <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mary: "Sorry this took ages! At this point it's kind of like "just post what you have or you'll wait forever trying to add to it" but I already have a decent chunk of the next chapter so d-(^_^)z no worries  
Thanks so much for the continued support and all the kind comments you guys leave, they honestly do keep me writing! :)  
PS Haskell is a real library/opera house in Quebec/Vermont and I wanna gooo"


End file.
